I sometimes question how well Mrs. Rowling truly understands what love is. This is especially true when we are presented with the James - Lily - Snape triangle. While she laments the fact that her female readers are attracted to [Draco],1 she does not seem to realise that she is pushing very much the same behaviour herself in the prior generation.
She has presented James in a very controversial light, so much so that there is a ton of debate over whether or not he was a good person at all. She has so successfully highlighted his flaws that people have trouble seeing his strengths2 This is perhaps to make the contrast with Snape less stark, less a choice between good and evil.
Because look at what she presents in Snape:
Snape-the-teenager had a stringy, pallid look about him, like a plant kept in the dark. His hair was lank and greasy and was flopping onto the table, his hooked nose barely half an inch from the surface of the parchment as he scribbled.3
She is purposefully describing someone you like for their person, not for their appearance. And yet, Snape does not have a personality to attract, his memories of interacting with Lily reveal a controlling, jealous personality, something that Lily herself remarks on when she objects who is he to “let” her do anything?4 Despite this, Mrs. Rowling says that Lily “might even have grown to love him romantically (she certainly loved him as a friend) if he had not loved Dark Magic so much, and been drawn to such loathesome people and acts.”5
While I certainly believe that Lily did consider Snape a friend, and did love him as such, I do not think that could have grown into romantic love without a fundamental shift in his basic personality. Perhaps that is what she means by “if he had not loved Dark Magic so much,” but this is not a minor point! If Snape is the rival for Lily’s affections, in a romantic sense, he should be a viable one. Otherwise let’s face reality here.
Snape did not love Lily. He obsessed over her, the way a stalker does. James did love Lily, and saw Snape as a danger to her. Lily was too young, blind, and immature to realise that the two boys in her life were fighting over her, or perhaps she was even secretly somewhat flattered by that. Because of this she blamed James for being immature (which was somewhat true), particularly when he would not admit why he was attacking Snape.6
[Draco]: </Harrypedia/people/Malfoy/Draco Lucius/>/
This is not, however, the only example. Mrs. Rowling will then go on to pair [Ron] with [Hermione], pushing the idea that opposites attract, despite the fact that bickering and fighting is not the basis for a healthy relationship.
[Ron]: </Harrypedia/people/Weasley/Ronald Bilius/>/ [Hermione]: </Harrypedia/people/Granger/Hermione Jean/>/
We see very little of [Ginny] in most of the series, too little really. However, we see enough to further substantiate the theme that love is only poorly understood. The advice given [Ginny], suffering under a crippling adolescent crush is to “date other boys.”7 This amounts to either “make Harry jealous” which is horrible advice, or “use boys like objects for your own needs, and not in pursuit of a real relationship.” which differs only in that is possibly even more self focused and thus selfish. The way to handle being unable to handle your emotions is to dive into a different relationship? (Interestingly, both [Ron] and [Hermione] kinda sorta try this in book six, it does not go well).
[Ginny]: </Harrypedia/people/Weasley/Ginevra Molly/>/
Anelli, Melissa and Emerson Spartz. “The Leaky Cauldron and MuggleNet interview Joanne Kathleen Rowling: Part Two” Accio Quote, 2005-07-16↩︎
See the many fan fictions where James is presented as an utter idiot, and Lily must do all the thinking.↩︎
Mrs. J. K. Rowling. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix Kindle Locations 9396-9398. Pottermore Limited. American Kindle Edition.↩︎
Mrs. J. K. Rowling. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows p. 279. Pottermore Publishing. American Kindle Edition.↩︎
citation needed.↩︎
In _Breaking Assumptions, the author presents an alternative theory, Snape may have been the instigator for the rocky relationship from the very begining. James’ pranks on Snape may, at first, have had nothing to do with Lily but rather with Snape’s constant snide remarks about James’ family.↩︎
citation needed.↩︎